Creepy Welch's Kids

The kids on those Welch's grape juice commercials are incredibly creepy.

I'm convinced they are evil and are plotting to take over the world and turn it into their evil den of iniquity.

Their parents probably get them together for what they think are innocent play dates.

In reality, they are sessions where their devious schemes are born.

They are truly evil...just look at their eyes.

Wildfires

Wild, grass fires raged in my part of the world. No one I know lost their house. Although, one of the third graders in my reading group came awfully close to losing their house. The fire line was within a foot of the side of their house and the siding on that side is all melted away. But the house is still there.

The fire also came awfully close (within a few yards) to the seventh grade teacher's house. She was out from school on Friday dealing with the insurance company and the awful smoke smell in her house.

I, lucky individual that I am, got to substitute for her. Her class has a handful of obnoxiouskids in it. I didn't have a lot of fun.

And at one point, they were talking about the fire and the suspicion that it was arson.

Two girls in the class turned to me, perfectly seriously, and asked me, "Who's arson?"

I fear for the future.

More Masturbating Judge

The alleged masturbating judge will go to trial on four charges of indecent exposure.

More details have come to light lately. For instance, he apparently (and allegedly) enjoyed using a penis pump. And during one trial he allegedly took time to shave his scrotum.

Seriously, the article about the masturbating judge was the best thing about the newspaper today.

Beauty and the Geek

Last night, I watched a re-run of "Ashton Kutcher's social experiment" Beauty and the Geek.

After I got through laughing and laughing at the phrase "Ashton Kutcher's social experiment," I throughly enjoyed the show.

Because there are few things that I enjoy more than bad television and this show is definitely bad television.

Plus, I kind of have a crush on Joe. He makes movies and tutors kids...how can that boy not have a girlfriend.

Vacation

I have spent the last two days babysitting the wee little niece and one of her friends.

I have done this by sitting on my sister's couch and playing the niece's gamecube non-stop for both those days.

My sister came home yesterday and my hands were curved in the shape of the controller and they hurt.

I think I have a problem. The first step is admitting it.

champagne

At the liquor store on the highway, you can get three bottles of champagne for a mere $10.99.


Ummmmm...tasty.

Freedom

I am free for two whole weeks. No little kids saying my name eight billion times in a half hour period. No little kids refusing to do their work or take tests. I am free. And it's a good thing because Friday they were driving my up a wall. And I was about ten seconds from losing it when a little pre-k boy came up to me and said "Ms. Nudeplatypus, I love you."

He was just the cutest little thing.

Still, I shall relish my two weeks of freedom.

Christmas Eve

My sister told me that she has planned a family Christmas Eve. This family gathering includes the entire family.

We haven't done such a gathering since my grandmother passed away a decade ago. And there is a good reason for that.

My family is batshit crazy. And not good batshit crazy. They are bad batshit crazy.

And my sister is apparently smoking the crack if she thinks this gathering will be fun.

Today

I did not want to get out of bed. But then I remembered that I had promised to sub for one of the high school teachers first hour. So, I drug myself out of bed and made it to the school. I did not make anyone cry today...so, it was a pretty good day.

Haircut

I got a haircut today and the lady who cut my hair gave me the best scalp massage while she was washing my hair.

I practically fell asleep in the chair.

It was more than worth the forty bucks I paid.

Forehead

My forehead no longer hurts but there is still a big bruise on it.

Also, I was forced to tell people the truth as to how I incurred the injury because I could not think of a good lie.

I blame the concussion.

Post Thanksgiving Injuries

I hate shopping. And I hate crowds. So, you think that I would do everything I could to avoid stores and shopping malls on the day after Thanksgiving...right?

Well, my lovely sister has a butthead of a boss who makes her work on the day after Thanksgiving. So, being the best sister in the whole entire world, I did her shopping for her.

At one store, I was bending over to look at t-shirts on a table and I smashed my head into a clothes rack.

And when I write smashed...I really do mean smashed.

I had a big red spot, a small bump and quite possibly a concussion. It really hurt.

I hate shopping.

Sinfull

Today, I was behind a car that had a vanity license plate that read "SINFULL."

I don't know what the driver needs to be kicked in the head harder for...the fact that she has a vanity license plate or the fact that she spelled sinful wrong.

Crayola

I like the smell of crayons.

Halloween

I am wearing orange and black striped socks in honor of Halloween. They are soft and fuzzy and really quite magical.

I know...you're jealous.

Today I...

Today I made a nine-year-old boy cry.

And I got to deal with a kindergartener who was pretending to be a cat. She meowed and she hissed. But she didn't tell what sound the letter L makes.

Precious

"[I] am more precious than all the stars above."

At least, that's what my raisin box had printed on it this morning.

Migraines

Last night I had a horrible headache and then my vision became fuzzy.

Now, because I spent the summer watching reruns of House, I was immediately convinced that I had some exotic disease.

However, it was just a migraine...so, no exotic disease for me.

Volcanos

I just finished reading Pompeii by Richard Harris.

The back cover has a quotation from the review in People and it says "the blast from Vesuvius seriously kicks ash."

I kid you not...that is what it says. I don't expect much from People but that is seriously asinine.

I am now reading Krakatoa by Simon Winchester.

I'm going for a whole volcano theme.

candy corn

You know what the best thing about October is...candy corn.