Dr. Manhattan is not the Silver Surfer

I went to see The Dark Knight last night.

It was fantastic. Ledger was fantastic. And they showed the trailer for Watchmen which was awesome.

But after they showed the trailer, these two guys a couple of rows in front of me started arguing over whether Dr. Manhattan was actually the Silver Surfer.

I understand not having read the book or knowing who the characters are but the argument was rather inane. Especially given that Dr. Manhattan is blue and the Silver Surfer is (as noted in his name) silver.

However, their argument was a lot more interesting than the rest of the trailers that were shown...so it's all good.

I Don't Wanna Grow Up

I had to drive my mom to "The City" (it's what we rubes call OKC) yesterday.

As always, long periods of time with my mother ends up with the "when are you going to grow up" talk. That wouldn't be so bad if by grown up my mom didn't mean married with kids.

I have nothing against marriage or kids. I just don't want either right now...even though I'm the dreaded thirty.

Thirty, unmarried and kidless in small-town Oklahoma is a sin.

It doesn't help that the wee little brother has the wife and the house and the kid.

However, the rest of my family are not doing so well on the marriage/kids front.

My older brother just married wife number three and has a teenage son that he never even talks to.

One of my cousins is cheating on her husband who currently in Afghanistan.

Another cousin divorced husband number five six months ago and has two teeangers. The boy is in a gang and the girl identifies herself as a bi vampire.

And I'm the one that needs to grow up.

I really need to move...far, far away.

Team Jacob

When I was a kid I spent a lot of time at my cousin's house.

They always had the new-fangled technology way before we did...like VCRs.

All I remember watching was Clash of the Titans and Star Wars.

My sister and my cousin were all about Luke Skywalker. And I never understood the fascination. It was always Han Solo for me.

Now, there is Meyer's Twilight series. The new book comes out in August. The movie comes out in December. The two actors in the movie are on the cover of Entertainment Weekly this week. It's a horrible photo but that's beside the point.

And there are thousands of screaming fangirls that are all about Edward. And that includes my sister.

I however am on Team Jacob. But I don't want Jacob to end up with Bella because she's a spineless wimp and he deserves better...but he's definitely the one I'd choose.

I Hate That Katy Perry Song

"I kissed a girl and I liked it/The taste of her cherry Chapstick/I kissed a girl just to try it/I hope my boyfriend doesn't mind"

That freaking song is stuck in my head and that's the only part I know.


What's driving me crazy is that I absolutely hate that "psuedolesbian, won't my boyfriend think I'm so hot because I'm making out with a girl" song.

If banging my head against a brick wall would make it go away, I would seriosly consider it.

Jesus and Warped Tour

So, yesterday I did my auntly duty and took my niece to Warped Tour.

As we neared the OK/TX border we lost our favorite radio station.

So we scanned and found that they really like Jesus in those parts as 70 percent of the stations were Jesus stations, 25 percent were Spanish speaking stations and the rest were country.

We listened to one Jesus station that was all about hellfire and damnation for awhile. I'm really not sure that hellfire and damnation is the way to go if you want people to come to Jesus.

But what do I know...I'm a heathen.

As for the actual concert.

It was freaking hot. I thought hellfire and damnation was raining down upon me.

However, Angels and Airwaves, The Color Fred, and Last Great Assualt were pretty fantastic.

Between the concerts I wanted to watch. I found a shady spot, sat on my blanket and told my niece and her friend to check in with me periodically.

During my shady time, I was accosted by numerous people trying to sell me self-actualization for a small donation.

I really don't want to self-actualize.

I listened to a half dozen bands and bought a few cds from band members carrying their ipods around and trying to get their name out. The only one that I have really listend to so far is Lights Out Dancing and it's pretty good.

A little boy walked by carrying a sign that read "For $1 Awesome Magic Tricks." So I told him I wanted to see some awesome magic tricks. They were pretty awesome, so I gave him three bucks.

A guy offered me "a buttload of condoms and some gums" for just a swig of water. I'm generous so I took the offer.

What I Learned From Warped Tour:

1) three people who have been outside all day in hot, hot weather don't just stink...they stank...it's a whole other level.

2) it was even too hot outside to get high...that's according to the teenage boy who sat next to me for awhile.

And finally,


3) the youth of America often make some questionable fashion choices. My advice would be to stay from fishnets, speedos (especially if that's the only thing you choose to wear on any given day...it's never acceptable), bustiers and those late seventies early eighties gym shorts...just no.

Summer of Nothing

School ended over a month ago and I thought "hey, now I have time to work out, read lots of books, update my blog more often."

Since school has been out I have done a whole lot of nothing.

Today, while I am supposedly doing laundry at my sister's house, I have managed to give a bath to their new puppy who is now curled up on my lap wrapped in a towel. Who needs clean clothes when you have this much cuteness in your life.

Also, I can always just buy new underwear and towels as I have approximately one thousand t-shirts and capris.

This weekend, I thanked God that the Olympics are near as diving and swimming will be gracing my television more often. Divers and swimmers by far have the best bodies of any athlete.

Puppets and Amazon Feuds

I finally managed to go see Forgetting Sarah Marshall and what I left the theater with was the revelation that I would totally pay to watch a Dracula play done with puppets.

Today, I have spent way too much time reading message boards and blogs about the Deborah Anne MacGillivray/Reba Belle feud on Amazon.

Apparently MacGillivray is a romance author who is having reviews of her novels with three or less stars removed. Reba Belle has been banned from Amazon for making a big to do about this.

I just stumbled upon this and have been reading blogs about it and the such and it is completely and utterly insane because it veers in so many directions.

There's sabotage and subterfuge and sick authors who may or may not have been taken advantage of.

It's magical.

However, kids have shown up in my room and I guess I should try to teach them something as that's why they're paying me.

Peaceful Peeing

I work in an elementary school. Often, I don't feel like or have the time to walk all the way to the teachers' lounge to use the bathroom. So, I end up using the bathroom the kids use.

Elementary kids are not shy about talking in the bathroom. I don't think that I've managed to pee in peace in this building since I started working here.

But today was track and field day at the school. As I don't have an actual class to corral I meandered back and forth. It's nice and peaceful in the school building and I got to pee without someone asking "who's in there?" or "whatcha doing."

It's been a good day.

Cell Phones

I don't have a cell phone. People are appalled when I tell them that.

I don't really have anything against cell phones. Although, I find the need for people to personalize their ringtones with stupid songs and annoying messages to be beyond obnoxious.

And I have a feeling that text messages would end up being like most of my email messages...a bunch of crap.

I simply don't have a cell phone because I don't like talking on the telephone.

What I Learned From Cosmo This Month

Here is what I learned from the January 2008 issue of Cosmopolitan:

-Kristin Bell is merely "guy hot." I'm so glad that I read that because I was under the mistaken impression that she was merely hot.

-Men's Fitness "told guys how to turn a one-night stand into a regular booty call. The trick: Remember her name be associating it with a phrase 'such as Scary Mary or Morgan the Monster.'" I, however, will never have my name associated in such a manner because lets face it...no one's going to forget the name Nude Platypus.

-There is something truly disturbing about this month's "guy without his shirt." I can't decided it it's the grotesquely overdeveloped abs or the stupid tattoos.

-The beauty Q & A page answers our burning beauty questions. One reader apparently had an issue with her hair freezing and becoming crunchy when she went out into the freezing winter weather with wet hair. What did I learn? I learned that there is a new person on my list of people that need to be kicked in the face for being so damn stupid. The current number one is that chick who sings the Bubbly song.

-Will Forte who is apparently on Saturday Night Live is adorable. Okay, that is something that I actually learned by leafing through this issue.

-Somebody's soul died when they had to write the headline for the Red-Hot Read section "from Hot, by Julia Harper AN AFFAIR WITH AGENT DOUBLE-OHH SEXY." (pg. 184)

-All you need to learn about a guy can be gleaned by giving him super sneaky tests. My favorite (p. 103): ask him what he looks at first when buying a used car. If he looks at upholstery and rims then he's only interested in your looks. If he examines any rust on the frame or chips in the paint then he is only interested in your past. If he is most interested in the engine power then he wants an adventurous "chick." If online ratings and reviews are what gets him hot then he's rational but too interested in what people think. And finally, if he is only interested in how it drives then he's a man who lives in the moment. Gentlemen be prepared...all of my first dates will now be subjected to this test.

-And where shall we go on said first date...we're in luck because the astrology page comes to the rescue. My best date itinerary is fruit and wine tasting for two. Thanks Cosmo!!

Scariest thing on television

The other day I saw the scariest thing that I have ever seen on television. And no, I am not talking about Michigan's loss to a 2A school.

No...the other day I took a personal day and was at my sister's house doing laundry. I turned on their tv and it was on Nick (courtesy of my niece's pre-school viewing of Spongebob Squarepants) and I was greeted by this:




So of course I kept watching and it didn't stop.





I then tivo'd the rest of it so that my teenage niece could bask in the insane glory of Yo Gabba Gabba.

Snape a good guy?

I like most people now have my copy of the latest Harry Potter.

And I'm still convinced that Snape will turn out to be a good guy in it.

Of course, I was also convinced that Tony was the mole on 24 up until he was killed off the show. And frankly, I'm still on the Tony was a mole bandwagon.

Friday the Thirteenth

My wee little niece's tenth birthday party was scheduled for Friday the Thirteenth at the local water park.

Since I work at a school and have summers free I was designated that person that had to pick up two friends of my nieces, some ice, the cake and balloons, deliver all the kids to the water park and decorate the party room.

There was some concern about rain and the park closing. But my sister called and spoke to the manager that morning and was assured that they were staying open.

After yelling at the oldest niece to get her ass in the car and listening to her complain about having to do her makeup in the car (despite the fact that I woke her up a good three hours before we were leaving) we were finally on our way.

Kids got picked up.

Ice was bought.

Cake and balloons were picked up.

I was on my way to the water park when my sister called and told me that she had just called the park to see if they take check cards as she had forgotten her checkbook and she was informed that the park had closed three hours earlier.

I drove around aimlessly until I got another call directing me to a local pizza joint.

My niece asked me to stop at Wal-Mart (the bane of my existence) to get her some goody bags. And I spoil her rotten...so I did. Upon returning to the car (my sister's car since I was lugging around so many people) I saw a tire was flat.

The trunk of her car contains chairs, an inordinate amount of softball equipment, a skateboard, a spare tire and a jack. But no tire iron.

So there I am about to lose it in the Wal-Mart parking lot.

A friend came and got the girls, the cake and the balloons while I waited for my uncle to come save me.

Finally, on my way to eat some pizza. I had planned on switching vehicles with my sister and heading home but she needed someone to haul kids. So I got to stay and go to the mall and the movies with a bunch of ten-year-olds. I know, you're thinking "how lucky can one person get."

The movie is over and I am released from my obligations. The fourteen-year-old niece and I are heading home. We stop at a convenience store on the highway to get something to drink.

We get back in the truck (I have swapped vehicles with my sister at this point). And the truck won't start.

Obviously, I should not have left the house on Friday the Thirteenth.

Transformers

Yesterday, I took my 14-year-old niece to see Transformers. We decided to see the 11:30 showing and I stressed that we had to leave the house in enough time to see all of the trailers...most importantly the train wreck J.J.Abrahms trailers.

We walk into the theater at 11:32 and they are playing Harry Potter instead. Fine by us...but ten minutes into Harry Potter and the lights come on and the screen goes blank. Soon the light go down and the screen lights up and they cued it directly to the beginning of Transformers.

So no ailers and no illicit viwing of Harry Potter. Shia LaBeouf though is hot. And I looked it up ... he's 21, so it's perfectly okay for me to thank he's hot.

I Love Those Pre-Kers

School is finally out. If I stay with teaching, I will be moving to middle school.

This last year, I've spent a lot of time in a Pre-K classroom working with a little girl with Downs. I could never be in a Pre-K classroom all day long. That takes a special kind of person and I'm not nearly that special.

One great thing about kids that young is that they are free with "I love you" and they compliment you all the time.

And if one compliments you then they all want to.

Case in point:

A couple of weeks ago, I was wearing a really cute pair of shoes and one of the boys said, "oh Miss Platypus, I love your shoes."

I replied, "thank you honey, that's very sweet."

And then the compliment avalanche began with "I love your shoes" and "I love your shirt" and even "I love your pants." However, one little boy managed to stop the compliments with "I love your shoes and your pants and your shirt and your FACE...oh, and your glasses."

I doubt I'll be handing out many "thank you honey, that's very sweet" comments to middle school kids.

Crazy...of the Batshit Variety

I maintain that my mother's side of the family is batshit crazy. Luckily, my father was an ocean of sanity. I believe that I managed to escape the crazy (except for my paranoia...I'm convinced that there are security cameras in all elevators regardless if you can see them or not).

Currently, two of my aunts are not speaking to each other.

Did one spread nasty rumors about the other?

Did one steal from the other?

No, because that would make too much sense.

One aunt said she would bring potato salad to a cookout. She did not. The other aunt is so enraged that she refuses to speak to aunt number one.

They're all batshit crazy.

Crazy Grocery Store Guy Spotted Again

A large corporation was having a job fair and a friend was there to apply for a job. I've never been to a job fair but apparently it entails standing around for long periods of time. So, I stopped by to keep him company.

We ended standing behind a young lady who was filling out an application and she was wearing lime green short shorts, a blood drive t-shirt and flip flops. Not what I would have chosen if I was there to apply for a job. But what to I know?

However, lime green short lady did not have the best outfit. That honor would go to the biker grandma. She was in her sixties, whe had a bandana wrapped around her head. Her jeans were ripped at the knees and she was wearing a leather Harley Davidson vest with nothing underneath. I want to be just like her when I grow up.

But the best was yet to come because who do I see in another line?

Yes, it was crazy grocery store guy and the poor gentleman with the glazed eyes standing next to crazy grocery store guy did not look too happy.

I was desperate to know if he got an interview and if so, what he said in the interview. I'm kind of intrigued. Is he still on the "rich want the end of the world" kick or has he moved on? But I figured it was good to not even make eye contact with the crazy so I ended up leaving.

End of the World, Facelifts and Bush is Jealous of OU Football

Yesterday, I am standing in line at the grocery store trying to decipher this guy's t-shirt that had Harry Potter and a bagel on it.

I am standing behind a man in his late thirties who turns to me and says, "hopefully, they'll have a better year this year."

I am wearing an OU t-shirt and I know he's referring to the football team but all I'm thinking is "I can't possibly care less about OU football." But I say to him, "one can only hope."

This may have been a mistake because then the gentleman went on what can only be described as a rant.

First, it was how George W. Bush fixed the chamipionship game to let Texas win because Bush is jealous because OU has Adrian Peterson and Texas only had Vince Young. I'm not sure that whole jealousy excuse works considering OU did not actually play in the championship game.

At this point, I thought he was joking but then the rant continued and now I'm pretty sure that he was serious.

He went on about what an idiot Vince Young is and he only passed his classes because he was Vince Young.

And it didn't stop there. He moved onto the injustice of the idiotic Vince Young making millions in the NFL. And somehow this led him to the end of the world.

But I'll bet you'd be surprised to find out that God does not want the world to end. It's the rich people. Yes, that's right the rich people want the world to end.

And you know what, people all the time tell this gentleman that his parents are rich. And he tells them, "that's right...and they want the end of the world too."

And finally, as was checking out he told me that his father had passed away a few months earlier and he knew his mother was about to get remarried because she bought a new car and got a facelift.

Thankfully, he then left.

All I really wanted was soy sauce, rice and a Dr. Pepper but instead I learned something:
1) Bush is jealous of the OU football program...so much so that he fixed the championship game that OU didn't even play,
2) God does not have a problem with the world,
3) However, rich people apparently do, and
4) Nothing equals a remarriage like a new car and a facelift.

I Heart Tim Gunn

I love Tim Gunn. If Project Runway were ever to get cancelled, I think I would have to apply to Parson's. Of course, that would require talent. I should get working on that.

Former Flyers Fan

I used to flove the Philadelphia Flyers. But the love slowly faded...mostly due to the fact that no one seemed to want to slap that overgrown and overhyped spoiled brat known as Eric Lindros.

But then they traded Rod Brind'Amour and the love was gone.

And then I moved back to the great state of Oklahoma where Fox Sports shows Dallas Stars games. And I could become a Stars fan. It was possible. But then they went and did the unthinkable. They signed Eric Lindros.

I'm sad.